Love in the Archives, a patchwork of true stories about suicide loss – Eileen Vorbach Collins
Hello Followers,
Lydia
I first learned of Eileen Vorbach Collins’ story on Today.com. As an educator and mother, it left me heartbroken, fearful and wanting answers. I want to thank Eileen Vorbach Collins for sharing her journey with the world, and for helping to break down the stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide.
Lydia was a beautiful, highly intelligent, talented and nature-loving fifteen year old girl. But on December 18th, 1999, she ended her life. It goes without saying that Lydia’s decision shattered everything, absolutely everything, for those who loved her. In Love in the Archives, her mother shares Lydia’s story and her own journey in the aftermath of an unthinkable tragedy.
Love in the Archives is a collection of essays that not sequential, although the timeline of events is clear. Straight from the heart, Eileen’s gift of words so authentically presents the impact of suicide and the incomparable grief of losing a child. Facing anniversaries, second-guessing every decision, the haunting whys, whys, whys – and eventually finding ways to honor Lydia’s memory, learning to hope and laugh again. One year at a time.
Collins opens up intimately about her grief, but does so in neither a textbook nor a self pitying sort of way. Instead, she presents her grief as her own, unapologetically rejecting societal rules for grieving. She writes, “For all the experts who think we should be over it, I’m going to light up my brain with images of you (Lydia) as often as I can. You’re my addiction and I’ll cry if I want to.”
Lydia was gifted, and her gifts were both a blessing and a burden. Her high school advisor said of Lydia, “Her profound intelligence compelled her to see the contradictions, evils, and hypocrisies of the world with terrifying clarity. Worse for her was her exquisite sensitivity to the pain in the world”. Collins writes about her daughter’s burden of perspicacity. As I read this memoir, it became clear that Lydia thought deeply, felt deeply and loved deeply. She was highly reflective and acutely aware of our fractured world – to the point where it hurt. To the point where her pain was intolerable.
Collins details a multi-dimensional view into her life. She candidly describes her own painful childhood and the embarrassment she felt over her mother’s illnesses; childhood shame that later morphed into guilt and regret. She shares the struggles of an interfaith marriage, a difficult divorce, the complexities of single parenting, and the pain of unimaginable loss. Collins interweaves nature and symbolism into her chapters, creating a lovely balanced work honoring a beautiful life that ended too soon.
I will never forget something that was said many years ago when I dropped my daughter off for her first day of first grade. I stood among a group of other moms on the playground , each of us saying our goodbyes and waving as our children were lined up and gently herded into the building. “Well,” said the mother standing next to me, “society has got them now.” She was right. One thing that parenting has taught me is that, despite our best efforts, we ultimately have very little control over what our children will face. Social pressures and peer cruelty, expectations, and genetics all play a significant role in our children’s lives and happiness. Lydia could have been anyone’s daughter. None of us are immune. As parents, we do our absolute best to protect our children, but there are so many other moving parts in their lives – much of which we will never even know about.
Love in the Archives is an extremely well written and gripping account of a mothers pain and resilience following a horrific loss. Her account is raw, poignant and honest. Love in the Archives is a must read for all parents, educators, and clinicians. I highly recommend this book.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review. My opinions remain my own.
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings.
